In my previous article, I shared my thoughts on mentorship and how to become a more effective mentor. However, that article only highlights one side of the mentorship journey; mentees play an equally important role in determining whether that relationship becomes valuable and long-lasting.
While there is no “perfect” mentor, finding a mentor who is perfectly suited to your personality, experiences, and future ambitions is a challenging step.
Given that you are likely to interact with so many people daily through your professional involvements and personal life, who should you select as a mentor? The answer to this question depends to a large degree on how deep of a relationship you want to establish and what you hope to gain.
There are two types of mentorship. The first type is more short-term. Typically, it involves reaching out to someone who is not in your direct network but has experience relevant to your goals and ambitions. For example, you may look for mentorship from someone from your alma mater or someone at your dream company. The second type of mentorship is longer-term and is the focus of this article.
How to find a mentor
A longer-term mentorship requires a decent amount of diligence, patience, and commitment. Typically, a longer-term mentor will be someone you are close with, know well, or have a lasting relationship with. Ideally, they will have already been where you want to go and be able to share lessons from their experiences that can benefit you personally or professionally.
Below are three considerations to bear in mind when choosing the perfect mentor.
1. Evaluate the strength of your relationship
Before approaching a potential mentor, gauge the strength of your existing relationship with that person. How long have you known them? In what capacity have you worked with them? How well do they know you?
If you are looking for a mentor within your organization, chances are that he or she will already know a bit about you. Make sure that you perform well on projects, network and get involved across the firm, and help others when possible. All of this will strengthen your image and how you are perceived by others. As a result, you will gain more respect and credibility, which will make it easier to seek support. Also, your positive image will help you expand your network: people at your firm can refer you to other individuals within their networks, increasing your chances of finding a suitable mentor.
It is more challenging to find a longer-term mentor if you have no previous relationship with that person. Mentees may pursue this route if no one in their network possesses experience or insights that align with their goals. In this case, it is equally important for you to gain the respect of your potential mentor. Expect for the relationship to build more slowly given that you would interact with them less frequently.
2. Know the appropriate time to ask for help
Timing is important when asking someone to act as your mentor. Timing means making sure that your potential mentor is available to take on a mentee, and that you have availability in your schedule to set up meetings and commit to maintaining frequent communications. Timing also means making your request at the right moment to increase your potential mentor’s receptiveness to your proposal. Robert Cialdini’s book Pre-Suasion, which has been recommended to me by Tom Spencer, contains interesting ideas on how to frame your message for maximum effect.
3. Be wise in your choice
Take your time in choosing your mentor. Ultimately, the goal of selecting a mentor is that he or she can help you to overcome obstacles and more seamlessly navigate towards achieving your objectives. Some people find their perfect mentor quickly whereas others go through various experiences before finding the right person who can help them achieve their goals. Patience is your friend here!
How to maximize your relationship with your mentor
Once you decide on a potential mentor and approach them about mentorship, other factors must be considered to maximize your relationship.
1. Be direct about what you want
Mentorships can quickly turn unproductive. Usually, this happens because the mentee has not properly communicated what they hope to achieve. This does not mean you need to share all of your goals with your mentor during your first meeting; rather, it means that you should make it clear how your mentor can help you. For example, you could tell your mentor that you want someone who can provide career advice. Later in your relationship, you might ask them for help with recommendations for a career transition. By being clear from the outset, your mentor will understand what level of commitment you expect from them. As you continue to develop yourself personally and professionally, what you want from your mentor can change over time.
2. Avoid asking for too much
It is important to avoid asking for too much help from your mentor. Be conscious of their constraints and the amount of help that they have already provided to you. Asking for too much could also signal to your mentor that you are not taking their advice seriously. The worst case is that you appear needy and selfish, reducing your credibility in the eyes of someone who can help you in the short and long term. Make sure to spend considerable time reflecting on how your mentor can help you and be action-oriented with their suggestions.
3. Take initiative and be flexible
Mentors can be extremely busy. To facilitate your relationship, take the initiative to schedule meetings when you have questions and concerns. Likewise, take the initiative to follow up with your mentor occasionally, especially if you have not communicated with them for a few months. Be organized when you set up meetings and make sure that your mentor is on board. Furthermore, be flexible and accommodating with your scheduling – mentors will appreciate your professionalism and your willingness to care about their priorities.
4. Know when to say no
The goal of mentorship is to make sure that your mentor is providing value to you. If your mentor recommends that you pursue a certain path or opportunity that does not fully align with your objectives, then it is important that you are transparent and that you communicate your concerns with your mentor. Remember, your mentor might have access to a variety of opportunities, but it is your job to ensure that you are spending your time and efforts in pursuing the ones that are aligned with your goals.
5. Offer to help them too
Mentorship is a two-way street. Make sure you offer to provide support to your mentor if you think it is appropriate and beneficial for them. For example, if you know people in your network who can support your mentor, then you should take the initiative to connect your mentor with those people. Likewise, remember to occasionally send an email or message that indicates your appreciation for their continued efforts.
Final Thoughts
Successful mentorships take time to build and foster but it is never too late to seek support from others. Avoid forcing a relationship – the deepest relationships form organically and sometimes even unexpectedly. Keep an open mind and do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it!
Jeff Zhang is an Associate at PwC working with the Deals Strategy / Strategy Consulting team. Previously, he was a Management Consultant at Novantas with a focus on the financial services sector. He has experience advising clients on pricing, marketing, distribution, big data analysis, and growth strategy projects.
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