In the previous article, I introduced the concepts of boss and lead management, and it seems clear-cut that the latter is superior and preferable.
In this article, I explore why managers might struggle to implement lead management and fall back into the bad habits of boss management.
Scenario – The Tardy Employee
Consider a classic situation that is bound to occur in any workplace — the tardy employee. Take Mary, an aspiring lead manager who is always sure to consider employees’ opinions, give detailed task briefings, and ensure sufficient guidance is available, as any good lead manager would. This has worked well with all her employees (who are motivated and productive) except for Rob, who frequently fails to meet task deadlines.
Mary has tried to let this slide for the past month but gets increasingly frustrated with every task that Rob submits late.
Her inclination — as someone who has done her best to empower Rob — is to become increasingly annoyed over time. She might even ask herself questions like:
- “Why can’t Rob complete the tasks as I asked?”
- “Haven’t I been doing everything a good lead manager is supposed to?”
- “What’s wrong with him?”
This confusion, frustration, and resentment might lead Mary to formulate a particular view of Rob, and generate supporting narratives:
- “Rob is a terrible employee!”
- “He clearly took my kindness for granted!”
- “I knew being soft on Rob wouldn’t work … I have to be more strict moving forward!”
By the time Mary decides to surface her feelings, there is a chance that she may explode in anger, berate Rob for his failure to meet task deadlines, and create strict rules for Rob to follow — classic boss management practices.
Why is it that someone who started off with the best of intentions ended up employing the same toxic boss management approach?
Imposing External Controls
It is noteworthy that Mary’s ugly side only showed up with the problematic employee Rob. For the other employees, with whom lead management is working well, it is easy to continue being a leader instead of just a boss. In other words, it is easy to do the “right thing” when things are going well, but much harder to do so when things are not.
What has likely happened is that Mary is trying to claw back control over Rob by employing a method with which she is familiar — external control.
Here, I am drawing from Glasser’s Choice Theory concept of internal control (we can only control ourselves) and external control (we can control others).
Society at large is rooted in external control psychology — when others don’t act in the ways we want, we seek to control them by coercing, punishing, rewarding, or manipulating them. Boss management is an extension of this psychology — employees who fail to toe the line are scolded and punished as a means of control.
External Controls are Mostly Untenable
Yet, external control is mostly untenable. If we reflect on our experience of the world, we cannot truly control others. As much as we incentivise behaviour through rewards or punishments, that is merely information we provide to others — their actions are ultimately their choice. No matter how much a teacher canes disobedient students, the students can continue to play truant or disrupt the class. No matter how much a boss scolds an employee to spur them to work harder, the latter can always choose to procrastinate, or quit and find a better job.
In fact, the reality is that external control often pushes others precisely in the opposite direction from what the controller desires — students who get caned for misbehaving tend to grow spiteful, resentful, and lash out even more; employees who are scolded feel increasingly unmotivated to work for the company and might seek avenues for petty revenge on their boss managers.
While external control is frequently practiced, it is notoriously ineffective at getting what we really want.
Adopting Supportive and Future-Focused Management
Returning to the scenario, what Mary really wants is for Rob to be a more motivated, invested employee. Yet, the boss management practices of punishing and coercing will in fact alienate Rob. The more he feels disrespected and untrusted, the more likely he is to be unproductive and fail to meet further deadlines. In the end, he is likely to either be managed out or quit himself. After all, who would want to work in a place where they are scolded, pressured, and possibly even ridiculed by co-workers?
What, then, can Mary do instead?
Well, her first mistake was not nipping the issue in the bud. An effective leader would have sat down and conversed with Rob from the first task he submitted late — not to confront or criticise him, but to show genuine concern and support.
Instead of saying “Why couldn’t you meet the deadline? Why did you submit the task late?”, she can begin facilitating the conversation with prompts like “Is it alright if you share with me some challenges you faced in completing this task? Is there something going on in your life that’s taking up your bandwidth right now?”
This opens up the floor for Rob to share his struggles and his perspective, in a safe space. Ideally, the lead manager would foster this psychological safety so that employees would not enter conversations in a fight-or-flight mode, but in a spirit of collaboration.
Mary can also steer the conversation in a future-focused manner. For instance, while questions like “Was the training I provided not good enough?” might work with the right tone of voice, this formulation is still ill-advised as it fixates on past events and almost has an undertone of confrontational blame assignment (i.e., “Is it my fault as your manager you couldn’t get your task done?”). Instead, kind and forward-looking communication would work better, such as “I want to help you achieve your full potential at this company — how can I better support you?”
The bottom line – Fostering good management habits
It can be easy to fall into old bad habits of boss management, but these practices have proven to be ineffective time and time again.
Instead, lead managers should look to develop 7 positive and connecting habits:
- Respecting
- Encouraging
- Negotiating differences
- Trusting
- Listening
- Accepting
- Supporting
Lucas Foo is a Philosophy and Linguistics Undergraduate at the University of Oxford. He enjoys drawing insights from ambiguity to create real and positive impact.
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